Daddy-less-ness

Finding the Daddy to your Little Girl (or vise versa...or mommy/little boy) is probably one of the hardest things I can think of. I've thought about the daddy-type people I have known. One was mean to me. One turned out to be an AB. One attacked me. So, its kinda blah. I think the hardest thing is when you REALLY like someone and they seem to be avoiding you, or too busy. Its not like you want to be needy...you just want confirmation that they are interested. However, when you try and talk to them...they evaporate...and it is quite the suck. However, after some thought, I have decided there are pros and cons to not having a daddy.

Pros:
*late bedtimes
*unlimited candy
*no veggies
*never getting in trouble

cons:
*no bedtime stories
*no cuddles
*no diapers (my own rule...no daddy...no diapers)
*no park
*no getting tucked in
*no one to watch movies with
*no one to tell me that i am silly
*no one to make scary things go away

I think the cons outweigh the pros...lol

Why being little sucks...

I think my biggest complaint about my being little is that emotions run so high and on the surface...or at least vulnerability does. I know when i am little i am more likely to get upset over nothing. I know that I cry more. I know that I develop relationships that affect me way more (friendship included). I just think it is hard sometimes to have to deal with all these emotions that are being applified. Its a constant fear of being rejected for who I am, by everyone. It brings back "feeling left out". Sometimes, it just sucks.

The problem with internets...

There is something I have come to find about online communities. They become inadvertantly "cliquish". Its not like people are turned away...its just hard to join a group that already exists you know? I know that of the communities I have joined, its been mighty hard to just jump in. I know that I've felt like everyone was ignoring my posts and only focusing on certain people. However, I have also discovered that if you just take your time, and show you plan on being around and not just a "flash in the pan" that you will be welcome. I mean, why should everyone get to know you if you won't be there in a month?

The thing is, fetish related communties, make it all harder. People start to feel like they are being judged for what they are. How is that fair? The rest of the world is judging them already, it makes it worse to feel like their peers in the community are rejecting them too. Case-in-point...I am a part of a community on Tribe, and there has been a big hoopla over "inappropriate" threads being posted. The truth is, there was not discrimination over certain people or their feelings...the problem was it made people uncomfortable. Talking about sex in a forum that is meant to be G is a problem...so is talk of illegal activities like pedophilia, or anything of the like. This causes people to get all hurt that people are rejecting them...when they are doing things that are quite obviously against the rules posted.

Things like the above feed into the people that like drama. The drama people then make people angry and everyone has problems.

*END RANT*

Happy Easter!

I hope that everyone is having an awesome Easter! A few people I know were visited by the Easter Bunny. Sadly, he did not come visit me. I think that it has to do with the fact that I live in a gated community. It's impossible for bunnies to penetrate the large gate. Hopefully, he will remember me next year and perhaps I will get twice as much stuff! Double the Easter candy!!!

Little holidays...

This thought came into my head today. What holidays would be considered "little" holidays? I mean, when i think about it there are many that work pretty well. Christmas (if you celebrate it) is a given...presents, Santa Claus...it seems to fit the idea of ageplay. Then there is Halloween...dress up and candy?! Need I say more? Easter though...can be huge. Just think about it...coloring eggs, dressing up, candy (if the big person is nice)...it can be quite a day...bunnies make everything better ;-)

Random thoughts...

My birthday is coming up at the end of March. I haven't celebrated my birthday in at least 3 years. Last year, I was unemployed with no money in my apartment (I did find a job shortly after...). The year before, my father had an emergency appendectomy and was in the hospital. The year before that? I prefer not to remember my dad trying to beat me on my 19th birthday. The year before that? I was just trying to get through the rest of high school. I think I celebrated either my sophomore or junior year, I don't remember which one... I am turning 22 in a month, and it will be like every other day...and ever other year.

*Sorry for such a sad post...i've just been having one of those days i suppose.

I'm alive...

I'm just tired. Making stuff for my family. Looking for a job. Dealing with the BS of this life style. I actually ended up leaving Tribe because...it just wasn't the same. People who i thought were my friends turned out to really just be shallow. However, I have NOT left the lifestyle (though it HAS crossed my mind a lot). I'm just checking out other venues...Diaperspace for one is really cool. Since I am in the area, I also have decided to attend a local munch. We will see how that goes however. I just seem to be doing so much re-evaluation of friends and such.