Lonely...

You know that feeling when you are surrounded by people, but feel so sad and alone? I have that right now. I am home visiting my family and it just sucks. I feel separate from my family because I have changed so much, and they have too. We just clash so much now...not that we ever DIDN'T clash... I'm just so tired of dealing with them and the issues that accompany them. I can't talk to any of my friends because they are all in a different time zone. I can't really talk to my Daddy because we have different schedules. I just feel like crap.

My mom keeps bringing up my whole ageplay and spanking preferences. She keeps comparing it all to child molestation. She says i am just dating guys that want to attack children and are too scared so they make me dress up and act little. She doesn't get it, and its irritating. I want to just try to explain it to her, but she would likely commit me. On a lighter note, my sister was snooping through my stuff and found my dropseat pajamas (im visiting my daddy on the way back). She didn't know what to say really, but my brother chimed in asking me how I could be so cruel to murder elmo and make pajamas from his skin. Which was really funny and made me laugh. Well then my mom was confused and started thinking i dress up as elmo for sex. Great.

Preferences....

I think it is interesting how ones preferences change over time. I know that my spanking preferences have evolved. I've wanted to be spanked constantly...i've wanted to give it up...now? I don't know. I mean i do....but then again...I'm a little nervous. I know though that if I really didn't want it...it would not happen. However, I want it to happen...no I NEED it to happen. I am afraid that maybe he does not quite understand the degree that i really crave to be spanked. He's like "you are gonna get 50 swats" and im like "thats all?"...but then another part of me is like "ACK!".

Argh...

It would seem that I have horribly neglected me blog. It's been ALMOST 2 months (empasis on the almost :-P if it REACHED 2 months then we might have had a problem ;) ) And for that I am incredibly sorry.

Things have just been a little hectic (in my mind at least). I have a Daddy...he lives in the far away land of Colorado. Yeah...12 hours is far but its doable I think. He hasn't spanked me yet, I can't decide if thats a good thing or a bad thing lol. I'm actually going to see him in 11 days (duh duh duh) and we will see what happens. I think AVOIDING a spanking will be more difficult this time around.

I just keep getting littler and littler and I think its kinda funny. Only time will tell where things will land I think.

I'm going to visit my family in California for thanksgiving which should be interesting. Things with them just get worse and worse. My mom is legally blind and not caring for her diabetes...my dad still had massive anxiety...and now he has to have a massive amount of skin cancer removed from his face (but im not supposed to know that...). And of course they still want me to move home.

Blah! Blah I say!