Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Conundrum...
I like spanking (try to hide the shock and awe :-P). What we do lends itself to it (at least for me). In fact up until now whenever I was little I got spanked...it was a given. However, I have been thinking about this mixture. I find myself in a huge dilemma. I like spanking as an adult, because it is a sexual thing for me. I don't LIKE it when I am little...I NEED it. It provides this sense of security for me in the situation. It cements the roles and is kind of proof that someone cares enough about what I do to take action. So what is the problem? Well, now I find myself not wanting to misbehave. I don't want to disappoint or upset anyone. So what do I do? I really like it when someone says I am a good girl. I need me some spanking, but I don't want to misbehave and earn one...so what shall I DO?!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
The Search...part 1 (spanking)
I personally know how hard it is to find the person you click with. In these life styles (both spanking and ageplay) there are so many people, but it's hard to find the ones that share your interest to the point you do. I think its all a balance.
Spanking wise the main issues are sharing the same TYPE of spanking, and sharing the same DEGREE.
There are many different types of spankings to be had. There is the punishment spanking, the erotic spanking, the playful spanking, the role play spanking, the maintenence spanking, the theraputic spanking...I can keep going.
I find however that the most common differences lie between the discipline spanking and the erotic and/or playful spankings. I personally like any and all spankings that exist, regardless of the motivation (though depending on the type i may or may not love it at the exact moment it is occuring), so I found many many people to talk to. However, when I dealt with people that saw it only as a punishment, I kind of felt like I would be deprived sexually from what I enjoyed. Yet, when I associated with strictly sexual, I was missing all the benefits I could get from punishment spankings (feeling accountable, forgiven, etc.).
Then of course when you talk about punishment spankings, you cross over into a totally different dilemma. Does the party being spanked enjoy it too much? Then you have to go into that debate. From the spanked point of view, sometimes its difficult to convince a top that you are capable of separating the two. Then you deal with all the issues with it being suspected that you are breaking the rules on purpose. UNLESS, you are in it for fun spankings, which some might intentionally do things to get spanked just for the prospective warm bottom to be had.
The next thing that is the issue is how hard should the spanking be? My opinion of hard is totally different from another person's opinion of hard. I mean in MY opinion I have no qualms with a spanking that leaves me with bruises. I know however, that some people cringe at the thought. They don't want to "hurt" me. Which is fine, but not quite for me. A spanking from someone who is afraid to hurt me is like going up a hill and stopping 1/2 way to sled down. Its fun, but not as fun as it could be if I could reach the top and get the thrill of the entire hill. At the same time if you reverse it, and there is the person who wants there to be huge significant bruising and welts (sometimes bleeding). That isn't for me either. In that case its like sledding down a HUGE gigantic hill that is all ice...it is too much and can lead to bad bad things for me (think "The Giver" when he is given the memory of a broken arm from sledding and the shock that presents).
I think this is all why some people search for YEARS for the right person for them. It is all a delicate balance that needs to be properly reached.
Spanking wise the main issues are sharing the same TYPE of spanking, and sharing the same DEGREE.
There are many different types of spankings to be had. There is the punishment spanking, the erotic spanking, the playful spanking, the role play spanking, the maintenence spanking, the theraputic spanking...I can keep going.
I find however that the most common differences lie between the discipline spanking and the erotic and/or playful spankings. I personally like any and all spankings that exist, regardless of the motivation (though depending on the type i may or may not love it at the exact moment it is occuring), so I found many many people to talk to. However, when I dealt with people that saw it only as a punishment, I kind of felt like I would be deprived sexually from what I enjoyed. Yet, when I associated with strictly sexual, I was missing all the benefits I could get from punishment spankings (feeling accountable, forgiven, etc.).
Then of course when you talk about punishment spankings, you cross over into a totally different dilemma. Does the party being spanked enjoy it too much? Then you have to go into that debate. From the spanked point of view, sometimes its difficult to convince a top that you are capable of separating the two. Then you deal with all the issues with it being suspected that you are breaking the rules on purpose. UNLESS, you are in it for fun spankings, which some might intentionally do things to get spanked just for the prospective warm bottom to be had.
The next thing that is the issue is how hard should the spanking be? My opinion of hard is totally different from another person's opinion of hard. I mean in MY opinion I have no qualms with a spanking that leaves me with bruises. I know however, that some people cringe at the thought. They don't want to "hurt" me. Which is fine, but not quite for me. A spanking from someone who is afraid to hurt me is like going up a hill and stopping 1/2 way to sled down. Its fun, but not as fun as it could be if I could reach the top and get the thrill of the entire hill. At the same time if you reverse it, and there is the person who wants there to be huge significant bruising and welts (sometimes bleeding). That isn't for me either. In that case its like sledding down a HUGE gigantic hill that is all ice...it is too much and can lead to bad bad things for me (think "The Giver" when he is given the memory of a broken arm from sledding and the shock that presents).
I think this is all why some people search for YEARS for the right person for them. It is all a delicate balance that needs to be properly reached.
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