Careful!

Dear Friends,

The inter-web is a great place to meet people. I have many many many good friends here. Some of my best friends have been made online, so I would never knock the Internet. However, I think that sometimes people are reckless. I know I have been. I guess after having so much success meeting great people on the Internet, I started to take chances. That brings me to what happened exactly 2 weeks ago.

Two weeks ago a daddy person from the Internet raped me. I had been talking to him online for over a month, and on the telephone for about 2 weeks. He seemed like the ideal daddy for me. We seemed to have the same interests ageplay wise, so everything seemed like it would be ok. He asked me if it would be ok for him to fly me to come visit him. I thought it was rushing things, but I figured it would be my last hurrah before moving back to CA (which I have since done).

So I flew to CA (he actually lives about 15 minutes away from me) to visit him. When I met him, I sensed something was off, but I shook off that feeling and continued on with the trip. We were originally supposed to go up near San Francisco for the weekend (which was fine since I know some of you people up there). However, we never made it that far and ended up near San Luis Obispo. It was there at a very fancy and expensive hotel he forced me to perform oral sex on him. I was so so so scared; I didn't know what to do. I just kept thinking in my head "I wish someone could save me"...but they couldn't. After, I felt so used and gross and sad, I just slept until the nighttime. When I woke up at sunset I just couldn't get rid of that sad sick feeling. He even said, "If you wanted gentle, you would be dating a girl." I knew I had to pretend that things were ok, so that nothing else bad would happen.

The next morning, we woke up and I took a shower. When I was dressing for the day, I put on 3 layers of clothes, hoping that it would curtain any further thoughts in his head. It didn't work. He forced me to perform more oral sex, even though I was adamant that I did not want to. I told him no multiple times. He still persisted. It got to the point where I was so frantic that I just curled into a ball on the floor trying to make it all stop. It didn't. He proceeded to then rape me anally.

Afterwards, I ran into the bathroom and cried. What was I going to do? My flight back to MO wasn't for another 3 hours! I was so scared. I just went into total survival mode. When I emerged, I just pretended like I was fine. He then fed me some line saying "sometimes it is about what makes you happy, and sometimes it is about what makes me happy." I almost vomited right there.

Even after getting on the plane, I had to travel for 6 hours to finally get back home. When I got back I just cried for hours. When I returned for my last week of work, I was depressed and crying the entire time. I saw a therapist a few times (my work covered it), and she helped a lot. There have been people that have said, "you should have known better.” that is easy for them to say. It makes it sound like it’s my fault. That is a battle I have to fight with myself everyday. Was I not clear in saying no? Why did I go? Why didn't I listen to my car that ran out of gas 10 miles from the airport? There are so many things that go through my head, and people saying things like that don't help.

I haven't written this to make you sad or feel bad for me. I have written this solely to remind us all to always trust your instincts. I KNEW something was wrong when I met him. I also should have let someone know that the venue changed. So many things could be done over, but I can't change what happened. This could happen with anyone. Anyone met on the Internet. Anyone met in real life. It could happen with a daddy. It could happen with someone vanilla. Just be aware.