I'm a nervous wreck

So, I was sitting at work last night and I just felt this sudden rush of anxiety that wouldn't leave. I suppose it has to do with the fact that my father finally bought his ticket to drive back with me (not that I really need him to, my mom is just paranoid). It is just making the fact that I am moving back to California finally real to me. Don't get me wrong, I am immensely excited to move back and see people. I've spent the past year almost secluded because I have been working overnights.

Its just that reconnecting with old friends makes me nervous, because I wronged them by losing contact. Two of my friends have lost a parent in the past few months, another has one battling with cancer. I wasn't a very good friend to them, because I was not there for them in their struggles. Also, I just feel like I don't belong anymore.

Not to mention the fact that I will have to see everyday my father battle with his anxiety...anxiety that has been blamed on me countless times. Then also factor in the fact that one of the main reasons I left was because he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me makes me a little apprehensive to live in the same house as him (even if its only going to be for a couple of months). I know that he can't hit me again (if he did, I would walk out and really never return)...but I just don't like the way he makes me feel when he is talking down to me. My family has never been supportive of me regarding this. Only my brother. He knew what was happening, he stopped it many times. Everyone else just thinks that there is something wrong with me. All they see is my ailing father, and me his daughter who seems to dislike him. (I don't dislike him...I just hurt from it all).

Another reason I left was because everything became my responsibility, or my doing. I don't know why or how it came to be, but they want me to fix them. I haven't even moved back yet, and already I am feeling the pressure of what I am expected to do. They want me to help with my sister who has injured her knee and will undergo surgery. They want me to help with my mom who is legally blind (but still drives...). I don't mind these things, I just don't want them to take over like they have in the past. I don't want them to become my sole responsibility. I don't want everyone to get mad if I decide that I can't or don't really wish to be the one who has to do it. I want everyone to share in the responsibility. Is that really wrong?

I have changed in the past 2 1/2 years. I have matured. I have become independent. I will continue to do things like i have been. I will find the daddy for me and live my own life. It's just...the past just keeps haunting me.