A year....

I fought hard for a year to reach a place where things are clicking. It took until my third job to find the right one for me, hours, pay, benefits, and people. It took a fill year to get here. A year of fights, of loneliness, and of anger. Finally things work. There have been times when i wanted to scream, where I cried, where I wondered "WHY?!" What drove me to do this? To leave all that I knew and take off on my own. Was it irritation? Selfishness? Someway of proving myself? I still ask myself this question sometimes, just as they do. I've changed though. Changed things about me. I've become more rational, more open. I don't feel so vulnerable all the time anymore. I feel like I can be me and not be afraid anymore. I've discovered my littleness, and im learning to let go. Everything from before seems only a dream, its not bearing me down anymore. It's like this strange feeling of calm. I worry less if people don't respond to me. I've reached a point of accepting that sometimes things will just work themselves out. It's interesting that big me has matured as a person, while my little is becoming more and more comfortable being littler.